How to Handle People Who Trigger You: Ayurveda for Anger

This training was inspired by a "career moms" group I follow — and the Christmas rants on there! Hundreds of women just unloading their frustrations...so I decided to make this video for you. I hope it helps.

Watch Video Training Here on How To Handle People Who Trigger You: Ayurveda for Anger

If you prefer reading the transcript below. 

We’re all people, and we’re all going to piss each other off sometimes. That’s just how it goes. There are different levels of this, too. Sometimes it’s a minor nuisance that zaps you for a little bit, and sometimes it’s something longer—maybe even years—of being upset with somebody.

I wanted to talk through this, and I want to do it with a light heart. I really believe that lightheartedness, and sometimes even laughter about hard things, is a way to release the stress valve. Some situations are so ridiculous and so difficult that we have no other choice than to laugh, and sometimes we laugh so much that we end up crying, which is also a release.

There are three main things that matter when you’re dealing with someone who triggers you.

Step 1: Deal with yourself first

We can’t control other people. We can’t control what they say or what they do. But we can control ourselves. Dealing with yourself first means making some space between you and what just happened and trying not to react right away.

I’ll give you an example. One morning, someone was awful to me, and my nervous system was completely dysregulated. I felt like crying. Everything felt bad. I came home, laid on the floor, pinged my therapist and my two best friends, and decided that all I was going to do was count my breaths in and out. That’s it. I got to 183 before I had to get up, and by then one of my friends reached out and I was able to talk about it.

Later that day, I saw the same person again, and they were totally fine, as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile, I had spent the whole day with my stomach in knots. It was kind of over for them, but not for me. That’s when I decided to instill a twelve-hour rule with that person. If something like that happened again, I would wait a full twelve hours before reacting. That’s not easy, and it’s kind of extreme, but the point is this: space matters.

Within that space, you need something tactile to do. Something simple that gives your nervous system time to settle. It doesn’t have to be complicated. You can call a friend, breathe, journal, light a candle, put aromatherapy on your wrist, take a shower, or even pour a glass of water and drink it while reminding yourself that you’re just passing time. Once you’ve created space and done something grounding, you’re much more likely to respond from a calm place. Responding from anger rarely leads anywhere good.

Step 2: Understand yourself and your triggers

This is where Ayurveda comes in. Different people respond to stress and conflict in different ways, and the doshas help explain that.

Vatas tend to be sensitive and emotionally reactive. They’re fast, spontaneous, and variable, which can be a gift, but in moments of tension it can turn into quick reactions, big emotions, and extremes. If you’re a Vata, that’s your natural tendency. The Ayurvedic approach isn’t to judge that, but to balance it. In moments like this, doing the opposite helps. Stay still. Do nothing. Lay on the floor. Put a water bottle on your abdomen. Set a timer and wait until your system calms down.

Pittas are different. They like to solve things immediately. They want to debate, fix, and move on. If you’re a Pitta, you might feel impatient with the idea of space and want to handle the situation right away because you have other things to do. The challenge is that the other person may not be ready for that intensity. Knowing this about yourself helps you pause before pushing too hard.

Kaphas tend to avoid conflict altogether. They often disappear, act like everything is fine, and hold things in for a long time—sometimes for years. They value peace and harmony, but unspoken emotions don’t disappear; they get heavier. If you’re a Kapha, it’s important to notice what you’re burying and what might actually need to be talked about so you’re not carrying that weight indefinitely.

Step 3: Understand the other person

Once you understand yourself, the next step is understanding them. Who are you having conflict with? Who just pissed you off? Are they more Vata, Pitta, or Kapha? The way you handle conflict may not be the way they do, and recognizing that can help you avoid pressing the same buttons over and over again.

When I was running teams in San Francisco and LA, we used to have “how best to work with me” conversations. We’d talk about what really drives someone crazy and what happens when those buttons get pressed. Sharing that information helped everyone navigate conflict more smoothly. You can express your needs whether or not the other person listens or changes. That part isn’t your work. Your work is still to deal with yourself first.

I hope this helps. This isn’t really about fixing other people; it’s about knowing yourself and recognizing that everyone brings their own triggers, beliefs, and perspectives into a situation. They may not match yours, and that’s okay. With awareness and a little care, it’s possible to move through conflict without letting it cling to you.

This is part of what it means to keep bringing Ayurveda to life.